


the hands of innocence

by bupine



Series: recovery and all that jazz [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, Shapeshifter Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo Has PTSD, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Underage Drinking, but its not too bad i just figured id tag it, dream is in prison crabrave, i will add more tags to this if i need to, schlatt gave everyone trauma WOO!, thats the summary of this fic tbh, this fic is a train wreck babey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bupine/pseuds/bupine
Summary: It's been one week since Dream was put in Pandora's Vault. The Dream SMP is shifting back to normal, for most people - but some don't know how to cope now that everything has changed.
Relationships: Floris | Fundy & Ranboo, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Ranboo
Series: recovery and all that jazz [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2205366
Comments: 11
Kudos: 163
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	the hands of innocence

**Author's Note:**

> i started this on february 15th. i finished on march 10th. help.
> 
> also, please do mind the trigger warnings! there's nothing too horrendously awful in this but yeah be aware. also i did not mean for this to get so long i am just a simple c!tubbo apologist and i love him. that is all.

It's been one week since Dream was put in Pandora's Vault.

Ranboo can barely believe it, in all honesty. When he'd seen Tubbo and Tommy off on the Prime Path, when he'd watched the two hopeful, grinning teens set off to the dock and board a single rowboat, he'd fully expected them to not come back. It sounds more and more horrible every time he thinks about it - even now, he finds himself wincing - but what reason had he been given to anticipate a return? Dream was the most powerful person on the server, by far. Even more so than Technoblade or Philza. So when Punz had frantically rallied them to arms and brought them to Awesamdude's prison, sure, he'd been surprised. Even more so when they'd gone through the Nether portal to find Dream holding a gleaming sword to Tubbo's throat and Tommy in tears pleading for his friend's life in front of him. Even _more_ so when Dream was beaten, his items taken from him, and he'd admitted to blowing up the community house.

Since then, things around the server have gotten a lot calmer. Without the overhanging tension of Dream lurking above the Players like a black cloud, people have been able to get back to their normal lives; rebuilding homes that were destroyed, mending broken friendships, finding lost items and pets. Niki's been working on her secret city again, as she mentions to Ranboo one day, and Tommy and Sam are apparently working on building some sort of hotel. Techno and Phil have retreated back to their snow cottage. Foolish is "working hard on his summer home," whatever that means. And Tubbo and Jack Manifold have officially started to make Snowchester into a proper home.

Ranboo has to admit, the peace is nice. He's been spending a lot of time mining to replace the materials he lost during Doomsday, along with finishing his farms and building the basement to the home he's made at Techno's base. It's been kind of lonely - Techno and Phil are reserved, both men rarely leaving the house - but at least there's been no violence or conflict. It's been good. 

But after a week of this silence, he decides to sit down next to his new fireplace and read over his memory book for the week. He frowns as he notices how dull and scarce it is; he really hasn't done a lot. And being alone kind of sucks, in all honesty. So the next day, he wraps up in a thick black cloak over his armour and sets off in the general direction of Snowchester. Maybe meeting with an old friend will be good for him.

Tubbo Underscore is an interesting character. Seventeen years old, former president of a crater, previous protégé to dictator Jschlatt, adopted brother to two of the most chaotic people to have ever graced the Dream SMP. Lover of bees, building, chess, and science. Ranboo can't help but admire him a little. Despite the fact that their ideals don't always match, and despite the fact that Tubbo has made some terrible decisions that had led to some terrible things, he's still kind and funny and welcoming. He makes Ranboo feel weirdly at home. And the Enderman hybrid knows that if he'd been in Tubbo's high stress position, he wouldn't have managed to cope nearly as well.

Snowchester is beautiful. He has to admit that. The dark log houses and neatly constructed fences look nice next to the glimmering swaths of white that covers the ground, although even despite that, things still manage to grow here. Ranboo finds the former president in one of his few gardens, dressed in thick, tawny snow gear and toiling away in the exposed dirt. Tubbo looks up when he hears the crackle beneath Ranboo's boots, and a huge grin splits his face. 

"Memory boy!" he beams, and he drops his hoe before bouncing over to when the other boy stands awkwardly. "It's good to see you, big guy! Been a little while - haven't seen you since the final battle last week. How've you been doing? How's everyone else? Pretty boring here with only Jack bloody Manifold to talk to, man never shuts up about some American rapper. No idea who he even is - apparently his Chat likes making fun of him." Then he pauses, blinking, cheeks pink from cold and sudden embarrassment. "Sorry," he says breathlessly, shaking warm caramel hair out his face. "Didn't even give you a chance to talk. How's it going, big man?"

Ranboo lets out a soft laugh, untensing slightly and letting his arms fall to his side. It's hard to be nervous around Tubbo. "Doing alright, considering," he says with a wave of his hand. "I haven't had a lot to do as of late, so I figured now I have time, I'd come see Snowchester." That was only partially true. It wasn't Snowchester he wanted to see at all; he was actually slightly terrified that Tubbo would try to start another government here. No, it wasn't Snowchester at all. "How are you?"

Tubbo grins wider, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his heels. "A hell of a lot better now," he says, then flushes further. "Hey, want me to show you around? I've made a lot of cool shit, I wanna show someone. Can I give you a tour?"

Ranboo finds himself nodding. Usually when people ask him to do things he'll say yes regardless of what it is just because that's how he is as a person, but with Tubbo… it's just different. "Have you shown anyone else?" he questions as the boy eagerly leads him down a path. "You seem rather excited."

Tubbo shrugs. "I haven't seen a lot of people lately, probably cause I've been busy working." He pulls a black flask from the inside of his jacket and takes a swig, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "I'm working on lots of new things - hey, maybe if you've got free time, you can help out? Like I said, I'm losing my mind with no one to talk to other than occasionally Foolish and fucking Jack Manifold."

Ranboo shouldn't stay. But he takes one look at Tubbo's wide, ocean green eyes and sighs, immediately crumbling. "Alright. I suppose I can help for a while."

The smile and burst of laughter he gets in return makes it worth it.

* * *

He heads into L'manberg the next day to mine.

Technically, he doesn't need to. Ranboo is very much on the richer side of the SMP, up with people like Techno and Dream, but mining is soothing, and he likes not having to think. The crater where the country Wilbur and Tommy founded once stood is full of easily accessible ores and materials, and Ranboo's been clearing it out for the past four weeks or so. But it seems he's not the only one with the idea to visit here today - he can see a familiar figure crouching at the edge of the hole, and almost immediately wants to turn and run.

"Oh," says the Player when he spots him. Fiery orange hair explodes from under a black cap, claws gripping the stone beneath him, iron boots swinging into the air. "Heyyy, Ranboo. Good to see you, man."

Ranboo swallows hard. "Hey, Fundy."

They're quiet for a second. Then Fundy yanks a bow off his shoulder, materializing an arrow from his inventory and firing it into the hole. Ranboo flinches. Fundy barely notices. "Have you seen this weird gross egg shit?" he says with a scowl, wrinkling his fox-like nose. "I've been calling it "the red cum" to piss off BadBoyHalo. And because it sounds funny." He sticks out his tongue childishly. "I disappear for one month and this ugly shit takes over my da- Wilbur's land. It's kinda ironic."

And sure enough, Ranboo's now noticed the sheer amount of bloodvines that have infected the crater. Thick, crimson ropes curl unnaturally, twisting together and gathering in a disgusting bunch at the bottom. Ranboo whistles through his teeth. "Wow. That _is_ gross."

Fundy nods. Ranboo notices his form shifting slightly; fur slowly growing in on his face, dark brown eyes melting into orange with slit pupils. Ranboo's used to watching him shift between forms, and doesn't say anything. "I'm trying to figure out a way to get rid of it," the fox says casually. He nocks another arrow, this one glowing red with Fire Aspect, and fires it into the hole. The boys watch it catch on a vine and immediately extinguish. "I've tried a few things. Swords and axes of a few different materials, like netherite and gold, I've tried different enchantments, I've tried - well, I'm trying fire now. Doesn't seem to be working."

Ranboo nods solemnly. "Doesn't seem to be."

Fundy examines the next arrow he shoots, biting his lip in annoyance. "I might try TNT," he mutters. "Or fireworks. Or - soulfire!" He snaps his fingers, grinning. "Soulfire could work."

Ranboo shifts on the spot. The sky is a sickly grey, dense clouds casting dark shadows across the hole and the crumbled ruins of the builds that had been destroyed. It's rather haunting. And also worrying. Ranboo prays it doesn't rain. "Aren't fireworks banned in New L'manberg?" he says, on reflex.

Fundy raises an eyebrow and tilts his head in the direction of the crater. Ranboo flushes. "Ok, yeah," he mumbles. "Force of habit."

"Tubbo's never here anyway, as far as I've been told," Fundy says. He sighs and lays back on the ground, his vibrant, tangled fur brushing the dirt. "He's the only reason we had that rule. How _is_ Tubbo, by the way? Haven't, uh, been to see him or Tommy since I got back."

The wind is picking up, and Ranboo holds himself tightly and squints against the cold. "I've only been to see Tubbo once, and I haven't seen Tommy at all. Tubbo's alright, though. He's working on Snowchester - his new, uh, living space." Country? Commune? He doesn't know. "He's alright."

Fundy nods, expression unreadable, and turns back to face the chasm of crimson. The crossed obsidian bars in the sky make the scene all the more ominous. "Good to hear," he says nonchalantly, his tone slightly softer now. "Good to hear."

They're silent for a long moment. Ranboo hums, unable to stand the sheer quiet, until the fox speaks again. "I'm sorry."

Ranboo widens his eyes, surprised. Fundy doesn't look up. "I'm sorry for all the shit I said to you during Doomsday. I was - I wasn't in a good headspace, wasn't in my right mind, and I did so much shit I regret that day. _Said_ shit I regret. I shouldn't have let myself snap the way I did, because I just ended up hurting everyone I loved without any regard for the consequences."

Ranboo lets out a shaky breath. He doesn't know what to say. "It's alright," he says lamely. "You're, uh, better now, yeah?"

Fundy sighs. "Trying to be. I needed that month away from here, truth be told."

Ranboo's eyes flicker back down to the crater of L'manberg. "I'm… sorry too. We were both out of line."

Another silence, but less tense, calmer.

"I wish you could've seen this place in its prime," Fundy whispers. His voice catches on the wind, and Ranboo strains to hear him. "It was beautiful, back in the day."

The broken longing in Fundy's dark eyes is too much to handle, and Ranboo looks away.

* * *

Visiting Tubbo becomes a sort of routine.

Ranboo wakes up at around eleven am each day - he's not a morning person, but neither is Tubbo - and spends a while completing various tasks such as organizing his chests or letting his pets roam free for a while to stretch. Then he knocks on Techno's door to see if he'll answer - he never does, but Ranboo doesn't take it personally. Some days he leaves something that he baked on the doorstep, just as a sort of peace offering. It's usually gone by the time he returns in the late evening, which he takes as a good sign. It's only after he's done all that that he allows himself to bundle up in armour and cotton and head off in the direction of Snowchester yet again.

The second day Ranboo visits, Tubbo isn't outside. Ranboo finds himself dithering awkwardly outside the house Tubbo had said was his, debating the pros and cons of knocking, until Jack Manifold rounds the corner and jumps half a foot in the air. "Fucking Ender almighty," he swears, adjusting his 3D glasses under his peculiar headset that Ranboo doesn't understand. "Terrified the shit out of me, you did, I nearly took you for an actual Enderman."

Ranbok laughs nervously, rubbing his arm to soothe his anxiety. "No, no. Just here to visit Tubbo."

Jack pops his lips, leaning against the snowy wall of dirt and stone behind him and pulling up his menu. "Man's still sleeping. He sleeps until literally, like, four o'clock each day, I swear. I end up never seein' him because I always leave before he's up. Speakin' of -" He closes the menu again, flashing an awkward grin. "I'm going to see Niki today. Got plans. So uh… see you around, Ran-boo."

"See you around," Ranboo murmurs as the older teen disappears round a corner without another word. Then he checks the time on his pocket watch - one he'd found while exploring with Tubbo a while ago, actually. One pm. He sighs, and decides to come back later.

When he does (after three hours of netherite mining), Tubbo is outside again, this time crouched in front of his fence. He lights up when he sees Ranboo, positively beaming and leaping to his feet. "Memory boy," he calls fondly, suppressing a huge grin and instead offering a more professional smile. "How's it going on this fine day?"

Ranboo can't help but smile back, softening and wandering over to where the boy stands at a casual pace. "It's good, it's good. I came to visit earlier, actually - Jack Manifold told me you were still asleep."

Tubbo stiffens, flushing with embarrassment. "Oh. Uh - sorry about that, ha." He rubs the back of his neck underneath the thick hood that covers his hair. "My sleep schedule's always been pretty fucked. Not very professional of me. I'll get up earlier tomorrow, definitely."

"You don't have to," Ranboo says immediately. He kicks the snow underneath his feet, wishing he could see the grass. "And you don't have to be super professional anymore, either. Since you're no longer president."

Tubbo seems to consider this for a moment, face blank. "Guess you're right," he mumbles, then brightens again. "I need to fix my sleep schedule anyway. My circadian rhythm's been thrown off whack since the bloody Pogtopia days, and it's only gotten weirder lately. I suppose this could be a good excuse to set it straight. Hey, you wanna help me fix this fence? It's shaky as hell, I can't get it to stay in one position. Wind will blow it away."

Tubbo talks a lot, Ranboo knows. It's something he likes about him; means he doesn't have to say as much himself. "Yeah, I'll help," he says, and crouches down uncomfortably to examine the fence with the other boy. "Are you doing alright, by the way? You do look really tired."

And he does. There are hollow shadows under Tubbo's eyes; not as bad as Tommy had looked during his exile, but he doesn't look well rested in the slightest despite his claims of sleeping in. But Tubbo brushes him off with an easy grin. "I'm alright. How are things living with Philza and the Blade? Is everyone else doing alright?"

Ranboo frowns. Tubbo is still smiling, and he's tugging on the bottom of one of the fence poles, butting it with the handle of his axe. Something about the look on his face makes Ranboo uneasy. "They're good. I spoke to Fundy the other day, he's doing a lot better."

Tubbo's head snaps up, eyes wide. "Oh, really?" he says, far too loudly. "Hold this post for me, please. Where's he been this last month? I've missed him, I have, it's been too long."

Ok, there's definitely something up. "I'm not sure where he's been. Tubbo, are you sure you're ok? You sound a little… intense, right now."

Tubbo laughs easily. "I said I'm fine, Boo. Can I call you Boo?" He doesn't wait for an answer, and instead drops his axe without warning and reaches into his jacket for his flask. He takes an uncomfortably long drink, then sighs loudly. "'M all good. Just preoccupied. Maybe I'll go see some of the others soon. Check in on Tommy. I heard he's building a hotel."

They work in silence for a while.

* * *

The next few days go in a rather similar fashion.

Tubbo, today, is back in the gardens. Ranboo takes a moment to watch him before making his presence known. The young ex-president is sitting cross legged on the wooden walls next to the dirt, frowning and looking just exhausted. He's slumped over himself, pale hands trembling slightly as they work the dirt before him. Ranboo can't help but be concerned. Tubbo doesn't look well, he thinks, but doesn't say anything of the sort out loud.

"Afternoon," he says instead, making Tubbo gasp softly and startle badly enough that a sword materializes in his hands. Ranboo immediately puts both his hands in the air, eyes wide. "Woah, just me, it's just me. You alright, Tubbo?"

Tubbo is frozen for a second, staring, but then relaxes and laughs. "Gods _damn_ , you made me jump," he says lightly, putting his sword away in his inventory. "Afternoon, memory boy, 's good to see you around again. Have you come to garden with me? I'm planting potatoes, don't tell Technoblade. I promise I'm not out to steal his title on Hypixel."

Ranboo laughs politely, sitting across from Tubbo in an awkward pose where his knees are pressed against the dirt. "I won't tell a soul," he promises dramatically, crossing the place on his chest where a human heart would normally be. "You seem a little jumpy. What's up?"

Tubbo shrugs. "Nothing much. Say, have you seen Mr Manifold at all recently? I swear I haven't heard from him in days, I'm not even sure he's coming home at night anymore."

Ranboo mentally notes the subject change, but answers anyway. "He was here yesterday. And I think I saw him…" He blows the air out his cheeks, then pulls his memory book from his inventory and flicks to the most recent page. "Oh yeah. I saw him at the bakery this morning with Niki. I was dropping off some sugar cane to get some hearts of the sea. Me and Fundy are planning to build a conduit for underwater mining."

Tubbo nods repeatedly, then winces, one hand flying to press against his temple. "Huh, alright," he says, mostly to himself, and takes out the same flask from his coat to drink from. "Wonder why I've barely been seeing him. He's been a bit pissed off ever since the whole thing with the nukes." He stares off across the blinding snow, gaze unfocused. "Maybe that's why."

Ranboo had honestly forgotten about the nukes until then. Tubbo had apparently run a test involving them a couple days after Dream's imprisonment, but Ranboo had been deep in the Nether at the time and hadn't heard it. "Dunno," he says in response. "I doubt he's upset at you. He's probably just busy."

Tubbo's quiet for a moment. "Probably," he mumbles, and then sets his flask down so he can dig again.

* * *

The next day, Ranboo visits early.

He had spent about three hours last night farming and baking a cake. He isn't sure why. It had just felt _right_ , and it was something to keep him occupied anyway. So he visits at around noon this time, planning to leave it in Tubbo's mailbox as a surprise, but is surprised himself to see Tubbo already awake, on the roof of his house with planks of wood and an axe.

"Uh… morning," Ranboo calls up, and Tubbo yelps and nearly falls off from his precarious perch. Ranboo rushes forward on instinct. "Don't fall off now, ha. I didn't expect you to be awake so early."

Tubbo laughs heartily, his grin visible even from where Ranboo stands. He thinks it would be visible from space if he could go there. "I told you, I'm fixing my sleep schedule!" he shouts down, readjusting his position so they're facing each other. The sun casts a glow behind Tubbo's head, lighting his hair up gold. "What's that you've got in the box, big guy? Were you trying to sneak something in when you thought I was asleep, you cheeky man?"

Ranboo rolls his eyes, a soft chuckle shaking his chest. "I hate the way you phrase things oh so much, Mr Underscore. And…" He lifts the lid of the box, revealing the white frosted delicacy inside. "I baked you a cake."

Tubbo goes uncharacteristically silent. Ranboo lowers the box as his arms grow tired, a slight uncertainty growing in his chest. "Tubbo?"

Without warning, the boy swings his legs round and slides off the roof to land heavily on the front porch, swaying unsteadily for a moment. His eyes are wide, his voice timid and full of disbelief when he speaks. "You… actually made a _cake?_ For me?" 

Ranboo nods, smiling under his face mask. "Mhm! I was gonna surprise you, cause, uh… I'm kinda awkward about gift giving and stuff, I guess. Like, I never know what to say and I'm always really weird about it when I don't need to be -"

Tubbo cuts him off. _"Ranboo,"_ he whispers, a grin growing across his face. "I - don't know what to say, big man, thank you so much."

The ender hybrid chuckles sheepishly. "Neither do I, it's ok."

And by the Gods, the look he gets from Tubbo is worth every package of bonemeal spent on the wheat, every egg saved from his single chicken, every piece of sugar cane meticulously cut and crystallized. "You're fucking amazing, you know that, Boo?" Tubbo tells him, awestruck, and Ranboo feels on top of the world.

* * *

Ranboo doesn't come the next day. He gets up a lot later and finds his hands scratched and covered in dirt - he was sleepwalking again, evidently, and it leaves him shaken. He spends the next several hours combing through his things to see if anything is missing or out of place, checking every door and every window, until he's finally satisfied that he hadn't done anything bad this time and is able to relax. By this time, it's getting to be late, although Ranboo wants to go see Tubbo anyway - that is, until he hears Techno and Phil outside. They see him standing like an idiot in his doorway and, unbelievably, ask him if he wants to come with them to the nearest village for trading, which Ranboo is only too delighted to agree to. He feels so much safer with the two warriors walking with him, and even though they barely speak to him throughout the whole journey and mostly keep to themselves, Ranboo can't help but feel a part of something.

"Thanks for inviting me tonight," he whispers to Phil when they finally make their way back to Techno's base, late in the cold of the night with full inventories and, in Ranboo's case at least, warm hearts. Phil smiles at him gently, something almost sad in his eyes. 

"Absolutely no problem, mate," he whispers back. "Apologies if you were a bit of a third wheel. Techno's… learning to trust again, and I think you'll be good for him."

Ranboo goes to sleep with a smile on his face, and wakes up late the next day with clean, dirtless hands, in the same place he was before.

Tubbo's not outside today.

This is slightly odd, but Ranboo doesn't think too far into it. It could be possible he's slept in as well, and maybe won't get up until later. He's about to tear a page from his memory book to leave Tubbo a note when he arrives at the former president's house and goes still. The front door is wide open, and no one is there.

Now, this is _definitely_ worrying. Ranboo doesn't know how long the door's been open; if it's been like that all night, a mob could easily have gotten in and done Gods know what. So after a moment of pained hesitation and thoughts like _why me, Gods, why is it always me,_ he slips inside and lets the door click shut behind him.

"Hello?" he calls softly, his sword appearing in his hand by instinct. It's freezing cold and dark as hell, but he can't see anything menacing in the shadows, which the boy is immensely grateful for. "Tubbo? Hey, your door was open. Tubbo?"

No response, and the atmosphere is creepy as hell for such a homely place. Ranboo's been in here a couple times before, so when he takes a deep breath and steps further inside, he at least knows where all the rooms are. He peeks into each one, not finding any mobs, but not finding any signs of his friend either. At least, not until he encounters Tubbo's bedroom at the very end of the hall, where the door is also open, and Ranboo can see inside.

The room is dark, the curtains drawn over the windows. Tubbo is sitting at a desk across from his bed, staring at a large mirror propped in front of him. He's wearing black suit trousers and a rumpled white button up, his hair combed neatly behind his ears to show off the small stubs of horns on his head. One of his hands is clutching the bottom of his chair like he's afraid he'll fall off. The other is held in the air in front of him, tightly clinging to a green tie with trembling white fingers. His eyes are locked onto his reflection, but he looks far away. Like he can't even hear Ranboo, just on the other side of the room.

"Tubbo?" he whispers again. He takes a slow step forward so as not to startle the boy. "Hey, uh, pal, are you doing ok?"

Tubbo doesn't react. His lips are parted slightly, blood cracked across the skin where he's bit down. Ranboo hesitates, then claps his hands gently. Tubbo jolts violently, and Ranboo makes a noise. "It's ok! It's me, it's Ranboo, just me."

Tubbo's gaze lingers on the mirror for a moment, then he turns jerkily, like a wind-up toy. It takes a moment for recognition to spark in his dull eyes. "Memory boy," he mumbles, and his grip finally loosens on his tie. Both hands fall to his lap. "Hello there."

Ranboo… isn't sure what to do now. This isn't a situation he knows how to handle. "Tubbo, are you… ok?" he asks, wincing at how stupid the question sounds. "You're… shaking. Really badly."

Tubbo is silent. Then he blinks, hard, shaking his head as though he's snapping himself out of a trance. "I tend to do that," he says, his voice slightly louder and less slurred, closer to normal. "It's alright. What are you doing here, Mr Boo? I didn't see you yesterday."

"Got busy," Ranboo replies. He shifts awkwardly on the spot, a million emotions curdling inside of him. _I shouldn't be involved in this, whatever "this" is._ "Sorry. I would have Whispered you, but I… you know. Forgot. As I, uh, tend to do."

Tubbo inhales sharply, then reaches out and places the mirror flat on his desk, glass down. "'S'ok," he mutters. "'M… forget me too." He straightens with a laugh before Ranboo can interject. "Sorry you, uh, had to see me like this, uh… What can I do for you, Ranboo?"

Ranboo lets out a small noise of disbelief. "Tubbo, your front door was wide open. And you're - you don't look well at all, are you ok? What - did something happen?"

Tubbo scrapes his chair back, getting to his feet. "It's nothing," he says nonchalantly, peering under his desk and opening his Enderchest to put his green tie back in. "Just woke up a bit confused, ha, 's'alright though." He straightens with a soft laugh. "I must've thought I was still working under Schl- that it was - that I - I must've thought it was a - yeah. Yeah. Just a little confused, I'm cool now. Hey, if you're here to see me, you wanna wait in the living room while I get changed?"

Ranboo can barely believe what he's hearing. "Tubbo, are you absolutely _certain_ you're ok? You don't - you look really pale."

Tubbo shrugs and swipes his flask off his desk to drink from it. "I'm good, big man. Say, I wanna build a water tunnel to make travelling easier. Like a soulsand hyperloop kind of deal. I've been thinking about it - I'll tell you more once I'm changed, alright?"

He practically shoves Ranboo out the room and shuts the door behind him. The Enderman hybrid just stares. Then he sags, sighs loudly, and walks into the living room. He doesn't really have any choice, even though he's greatly worried about Tubbo and has absolutely no clue what's been going on with him. Ranboo can't get the image of him staring blankly at that mirror out of his mind. There'd been something so weird, so _off_ about it. Tubbo hadn't even heard Ranboo enter the room. Gods, but it annoys him, not knowing what's happening or how to help.

It's brighter in the living room, the curtains pulled open to flood the room with light reflected off the snow outside. Ranboo goes over to the window to look closer, trying to think as he does so. Now that he thinks about it… Tubbo _has_ been acting strange in a few ways lately. The way he's always so cheerful despite all the terrible things that had happened to him, the way he gets so overly excited to see and ramble to Ranboo each day like he really isn't seeing anyone else, the way his hands always shake slightly no matter what he's doing. There's something going on, Ranboo thinks, but he doesn't know what, and he doesn't know how to even begin going about asking him.

Tubbo comes out a few minutes later in his usual brown trousers, boots and jacket, with a green button up underneath. "You wanna help me build?" he asks, flashing a confident grin. His mood has completely changed from five minutes ago. "I've got big ideas, Ranboo, big big big ideas."

Ranboo hesitates. Tubbo takes it as a rejection and immediately backtracks. "Or we could do something else," he says hastily. "I really don't mind, I'm down for anything. We can go mining? If you want?"

There's a faint note of desperation in his voice that he can't disguise. Ranboo finds himself caving immediately, nodding without even realizing. "I'd be ok to go mining," he says, and Tubbo practically sags with relief. "If you want."

So they do. Tubbo's already dug out a fairly decent start at a mine beneath Snowchester, and it doesn't take long to get into a vague rhythm of swinging their pickaxes into the stone, chipping pieces away slowly and gathering ores in their inventories. But the conversation is slower today. Tubbo is usually the one to always be chattering a million miles an hour about anything and everything, about chess and bugs and nukes and builds. But today he's quieter, and the periods of silence stretch for far longer than usual.

Ranboo decides to ask a question.

"So Tubbo," he starts, cringing at the uncertainty in his own voice. "How have… you been doing?"

He pauses his swinging to glance at Tubbo, but the boy's back is turned and Ranboo can't read his expression. "Been alright," he says. "Busy. And you've been here, so things are good!"

Ranboo clicks his tongue reflexively as he thinks. _Should I even ask the question that I want to ask?_ he wonders to himself. _Or will I ruin everything with this?_

He decides against giving himself time to overthink it. "You've seemed a little off for a while," he says casually. "You know it's… uh… it's ok to not be alright, right?"

He expects a pause, a silence, but Tubbo only laughs. "I'm fine, memory boy," he says confidently, and turns to flash a grin at him. "Everything turned out alright, didn't it? No more wars and shit."

Ranboo hesitates, letting his pickaxe hang at his side. "Well, yeah, I _suppose_. But you nearly died, Tubbo. From what you've told us, Dream was planning to actually murder you to get to Tommy. Isn't that messed up?"

Tubbo nods, dropping his pickaxe to the floor before leaning against the pocket he's carved out of the wall and staring at Ranboo with far too much intensity in his bright eyes. "I suppose so, but I _didn't_ die! I don't know why people keep making such a big deal out of it, really; Tommy was in a state for hours after, refused to let me go until Puffy persuaded him to. It's just - I'm _alive_ still. Why does it matter what _could_ have happened?"

Ranboo exhales, sinking back against the cracked stone and wincing slightly at the pressure on his back. "Because you were literally _about to die,_ Tubbo," he says flatly. "Doesn't that bother you?"

Tubbo shrugs. "Nah," he says, like it's really nothing, and pulls his flask from his jacket to drink from. Maybe it's Ranboo's mind playing tricks, but it seems the boy's hands are trembling slightly harder than usual. "If I had died, then, well. You guys would all have come regardless. Tommy would have been fine."

Ranboo swallows his horror and shakes his head in disbelief. "But you'd be _dead_ , Tubbo!"

"Well, I'm _not_ dead," Tubbo deadpans. He grabs his pick with his unoccupied hand to swing it into the stone. "I'm alive and there's no use thinking about what could have been done and what could have been prevented and what things could have been different - no point. Useless to dwell on things long past that you can never have again."

The boy's eyes are far away, and Ranboo can't help but feel he's echoing someone else's words.

He takes a tentative step forward. His boots are the loudest sound in the mine. "You can talk to me," he says softly, internally priding himself for not letting his voice shake. "If you need to. At any point." He clears his throat awkwardly. "You, uh, know where I live."

Tubbo takes a breath, and for just a moment, his confident grin wavers. He turns, biting his lip, and makes a motion to pull his pick from the wall -

And ends up stumbling forward just slightly and dropping his open flask to the floor.

The contents immediately spill everywhere. Ranboo yelps and leaps back, the liquid splashing his trousers, and Tubbo drops his pick to dart forward and grab his flask. "Sorry, sorry!" he stammers, flushing and slapping a hand to his face. "Uh, I'm - I think I'm just about done mining for the day, let's go back up to the surface and chill out for a bit and you can use my furnaces to smelt any iron you got - are you alright? Ranboo?"

Ranboo reels back, but not at the sting of the water on his skin. It's the _smell_. Sharp, pungent, like a burn in his nose, enough to make him clap a hand to his face even with his mask covering the lower half. His eyes meet Tubbo's, and he sees a flash of something like fear and shame in them, for just a moment - and then the boy has his sleeve in hand and is pulling him back up the crudely made stairs that lead to the surface. "I think I'm gonna sleep early, actually," Tubbo says, voice high. "So, uh, yeah. If you don't mind, Ranboo."

So Ranboo leaves with only a quick, muttered goodbye. And on the way home, the only thoughts in his mind are the smell of the liquid in the flask that maybe hadn't been water all along, and the look he'd seen flash across Tubbo's face when he'd realized he knew.

* * *

The next day, he goes to visit Tommy.

Ranboo hasn't gone anywhere near the L'manberg crater since that day with Fundy, and it's strange being somewhere that isn't surrounded by snow, underground or in the Nether where he spends most of his time. So he has to admit, he's surprised when he sees the hotel that Tommy and Sam (mostly Sam, he presumes) have been working on. The parts that are built are nice, framed in scaffolding, built several stories tall just off the side of the Prime Path. There's a huge billboard in front of it that tells Ranboo to wear a safety vest and helmet. In front of said billboard is Tommyinnit, clad in neon gear and holding a netherite axe as he paces the path, looking lost in thought. Ranboo hesitates as he gets closer, not wanting to startle the boy, so he instead opts to push the fence open and enter on his own. This immediately proves to be a mistake when something comes rushing out from the half built hotel right towards him, whirring furiously and waving what looked like a glowing sword in hand.

"Holy shit - Sam Nook, stop it!" Ranboo hears someone cry, and he just manages to throw himself through the gate and tumble to the wooden path before he gets stabbed by - whatever this thing is. He winces at the pain from his back slamming onto the floor. A couple moments pass before he opens his eyes again to see a hand being held out in front of him. Tommy raises an eyebrow at him from up above. 

"Hey, I'm taller than you now," he grins, and yanks Ranboo unsteadily to his feet. A scowl crosses his face as the Enderman hybrid now towers above him. "Well, that was fun while it lasted. What can I do for you, Ran-boob?"

Ranboo ignores the childish name, glancing behind Tommy and inside the gate to look for whatever monstrosity had just attacked him. It appears to have vanished into the build site. "What in the blazing Nether _was_ that?" he cries, pushing his hair back anxiously.

Tommy snorts. "That's Sam Nook. Awesamdude built him for me to oversee the hotel while he's away doin' prison shit. He's working on getting guards to help him out - Sapnap, Punz I think, BBH - not sure. Don't worry, though, I've told him to leave you alone for now." He holds the gate open for the other boy, tilting his head expectantly. "Didn't expect to see you here."

Ranboo is very much on edge now, wringing his fingers and nibbling the side of his mouth as he follows Tommy to where a couple chairs have been set up in front of the hotel. Tommy collapses into one, crossing one leg over the other as Ranboo slowly sinks into the other, sitting up rod straight. He doesn't trust this, he doesn't, but he also doesn't truly believe Tommy is someone who would hurt him. Especially now, not when the boy is slouched the way he is, basically unarmed and leaning back with tangled blonde curls falling into his eyes.

"So what's up?" Tommy asks after a moment of tense silence. He's studying Ranboo in a very similar way to Tubbo - both with an air of intensity that makes him think his soul is being read. The only difference is that while Tubbo's eyes are a bright, ocean green, Tommy's are a dull, stormy grey, looking like lightning could flash across them at any moment. It's unnerving. "You wouldn't come here if there wasn't a problem."

Ranboo shifts to the edge of his seat. "Well, uh, I've been… checking up on people. Seeing how everyone is after… L'manberg." He trails off at the end, noticing Tommy's eyes narrow and lips press together intently. "Just checking in. How's Sam?"

Tommy taps his fingers rhythmically on the arm of the chair, a tune Ranboo doesn't recognize. "He's alright," he drawls, voice void of any emotion. "Cut the small talk bullshit, minutes man. What do you want from me, eh? If you're here to give me a message from Techno or Philza, you can tell them to go suck it. I don't give a shit about what either of them have to say to me anymore. Fuck 'em."

Ranboo feels very awkward now. "Uh. No message from Techno or Phil."

Tommy pauses. "Oh," he says, sounding faintly embarrassed. "Nothing at all? Not one message?"

Ranboo shakes his head slowly. "Were you expecting one?"

 _"No,"_ Tommy snaps, and sits upright in his chair, startling Ranboo into leaning back in his. "So what is it? I doubt you came here of your own fucking volition - see, there's a big word, the Blade can go fuck himself."

"For someone who doesn't like Techno," Ranboo says without thinking, "you sure do talk about him a lot."

Tommy makes a low growling noise in the back of his throat. "I _will_ tell Sam Nook to kill you."

Ranboo swallows. "I'm here about Tubbo," he says quickly, and that's when Tommy falls silent, blinking before masking his expression again. "Things have been a - a little weird in Snowchester, lately, and I wanted to talk to you."

Tommy sits up a little straighter, noticeably fiddling with the ratty green bandanna tied on his wrist over his red hoodie. It looks like it's been through hell, and maybe it has; Ranboo's never seen the boy not wearing it. "Does… does _he_ have a message for me?" Tommy asks, uncharacteristically timid, shoulders rising to his ears in quiet embarrassment.

Ranboo pauses. His relationship with Tommy is… rocky, to say the least, and the two of them have been avoiding each other since Logsteadshire and the exile situation for several reasons. A few of those reasons involve Tubbo. "No, but I think he'd like to see you," he tells him, pretending not to notice the way Tommy almost comically lights up at this. "He's been… I don't know. I think he's going through some stuff right now and I'm not really the best for him. You've known him longer than I have."

Tommy sinks back in his chair, subconsciously lifting a hand to his face and biting his nails. "If you're just here to talk about him, you can go see Fundy," he mumbles, refusing to meet Ranboo's eyes (which he's only too grateful for). "He's in the L'manhole, trying to blow up the red shit. Dunno how he can stand the sounds, really, but more props to him for trying."

Ranboo almost decides to ask about the name "L'manhole." Almost. "Tubbo cares about you more than anything," he says matter-of-factly. "I might be completely overreacting, but he's seemed a little off lately and I figured you were the best person to ask."

Tommy's face shows nothing about what he's thinking. "Alright. Go on."

Ranboo clears his throat. "Well, he's been… I don't know, unnaturally _cheerful_ sometimes," he starts off with. _Gods, I sound so stupid right now._ "He acts like nothing's wrong even though everything shouldn't - shouldn't feel so _normal_ after all that happened, if you know what I mean? And sometimes he freezes up, and the other day he didn't remember where he was or when he was - and he completely blew me off afterwards like it meant nothing. I just…" He sighs deeply, running his hands through his hair. "I want to be able to help him because I think he's alone now and I'm pretty much the only person who goes to see him anymore." 

Tommy flinches at that last part, stiffening and curling in on himself slightly. "He has a tendency to bottle shit up," he mutters, looking defeated and tired, far more tired than a kid should ever look. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?"

Ranboo hesitates.

_Well, he carries around this black flask inside his jacket that he constantly drinks out of and I'm fairly certain that there's some amount of alcohol in it but I'm too afraid to confront him about it because I'm scared of the response I'll get._

"I think so," he says.

He'll leave that last part between himself and Tubbo for now.

Tommy takes a breath, and he suddenly looks so much older than sixteen. His face is pinched and eyes dim with exhaustion. "I'll… go see him tonight," he says, sounding slightly uncertain as he stares across the lands of the SMP instead of looking at Ranboo. "I've missed talking to him. Things've been weird. Very weird. You know what I'm talking about."

"Why haven't you been talking?" Ranboo asks. Tommy shoots him a look, but there's no malice behind it.

"Well, I'm just staying away, innit?" Tommy mutters, his hand at his mouth making it harder to hear him. Maybe that was intentional. "I don't know if you've noticed cause you're still relatively new here for our standards, Ran-boo, but I have a small tendency to fuck shit up everywhere I go. And… Tubbo has his Snowchester, I have my hotel, we stay away and things are alright because we've - we've got our own things. The only person I can fuck shit up for is myself."

Ranboo opens his mouth, then closes it again, then speaks. "You, uh, think something will happen to Snowchester?"

Tommy shrugs. "I'm a bad luck charm, what can I say. Disaster follows me wherever I go, and Tubbo doesn't need that shit. Now, do you need anything else? Cause I've got to finish gathering red dye for Sam Nook or the bastard will have my head on a pike by sundown."

He's really not sure what to say to that.

* * *

Ranboo and Tubbo garden in relative peace the next day.

Tubbo has made an effort to be just as loud and bright as usual; or maybe he really is just always like that, Ranboo can't tell anymore. Tubbo hasn't been properly vulnerable in front of him since that day that they both looked over L'manberg and Tubbo confessed his fears and anxieties about being president, about the decision he'd made regarding Tommy's exile, and told Ranboo he hoped he'd be a better president than he ever was. The irony of that statement isn't lost on him. Either way, they're quiet now, neither boy acknowledging the elephant in the room until Tubbo casually takes out the same flask to drink from and Ranboo can't keep silent anymore.

"What are you drinking?" he asks, making eye contact with the smaller boy despite his dislike for it. He hates confrontation. Hates the way Tubbo stiffens slightly at the question.

"Just water," he says casually, opening his inventory to take out some more pumpkin seeds to finish the row he's started. "Hey, once we're done here, I was wondering about maybe renovating the -"

"Pass it to me."

Tubbo stops. Blinks. "Pass… what?"

Ranboo hates this. Ranboo _hates_ this. "The flask," he says, keeping his voice as steady as he can. "Pass it to me."

Tubbo shrinks back just slightly, but laughs to brush him off. "You don't even drink water, Boo," he says. "Anyway -"

"Tubbo," Ranboo pleads, cringing at how desperate he sounds. "Tubbo, I - man, I know it's not water in there. I'm not a _complete_ idiot. I know what alcohol smells like."

Tubbo's face is blank. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Ranboo hesitates. Gods, he had planned this so well but now he doesn't know what to say or do. "I'm not an idiot," he repeats. "I know I really shouldn't - pry - into what you're doing and stuff, I know it's not my business - but you've seemed so off recently and I wanted to see if there was any way I could help, because - uh - you know, you're - it's not good for you. And I don't know how long this has been going on for or whatever, and I…"

He trails off. Waits for Tubbo to snap. To shout. To scream that it's none of his business, to slap him, to storm away, to do _something_. He waits for a reaction. 

"Ok," Tubbo says. There's a slight lilt in his voice, a gentle smile on his face. "It's nice that you want to help."

Ranboo untenses slightly, letting out a slow breath. "I… do, yeah. How long have you… uh… been drinking?"

Tubbo suddenly sits down again, right in the middle of the snow outside the gardens. "You say that like I'm a proper alchie," he snorts. "I'm fine, man. I just drink a little sometimes. Schlatt used to - used to, uh, make me drink with him while we talked and stuff. I guess I never really stopped." He shrugs, like what he just said wasn't horrifying. "I'm not fucking addicted or whatever."

Ranboo makes a distressed noise, his leg bouncing up and down anxiously. "Tubbo, you were like - _sixteen_ , then. That's _way_ too young for that stuff."

The smaller boy rolls his eyes. "Too young to have fought in wars and lost two lives and been President of a country that had to be rebuilt from the ground up and forced to exile my best friend, too, but hey."

He's not sure what to say to that.

"It's an awful coping mechanism," Ranboo says firmly. "Pass me the flask."

This time, Tubbo does so without complaint.

"At least don't pour it out in the water," he says quietly. "And give me my flask when you're done. I like it."

Ranboo's a little unnerved at how calm he's being. _Yell at me, scream at me, stop acting like this is nothing, stop acting like this is normal. It's not. Be angry, be upset, give me something to work with._

He hands Tubbo the flask back after pouring out the contents into the snow. Tubbo accepts it wordlessly, tucking it back into his coat.

"Do you have any more bottles?" Ranboo asks, almost apologetically. Tubbo nods. "Show me them, please."

They're hidden under a floorboard in his room. Tubbo looks slightly ashamed as he hands each of the three glass bottles to the taller boy, flushed in the face and not meeting his eye. He doesn't speak as Ranboo disposes of the contents of each one, storing the bottles in his inventory to get rid of later.

"I'm sorry," he says after it's all done. "Really, man, I - I don't want you to end up… you know."

Tubbo nods. "Like Schlatt," he says, monotone, and Ranboo jolts slightly at the way his voice has changed. "I get it, it's cool."

"That's - well, that's not what I -"

"It's cool," Tubbo repeats, and he flashes Ranboo a smile that seems so genuine despite the situation. "Thanks, Ranboo."

Something aches in Ranboo's chest. "Yeah. And I'm always here if you need me."

He leaves an hour later, head swirling with thoughts he can't quite decipher.

* * *

Fundy's at the crater again.

"Do you live here?" Ranboo asks, standing stiffly at the edge where Fundy's slouched over, surrounded by various stacks of materials and a single Enderchest. Ranboo taps his fingers together behind his back. "I hardly ever see you, like, anywhere else."

Fundy nods, looking far away as he fiddles with two halves of what looks like some kind of thin metal rod. "I have a place I stay," he says, sticking out his tongue as he works. "I just spend a lot of time here. Still trying to destroy this fucking red shit. Other than that, it's been going alright. How are you, Ranboo?"

Ranboo shrugs. "I'm alright. Have you made much progress?"

Fundy sighs. "Eh. Different weapons do different amounts of damage, along with different enchantments, different potion types, different levels - here, I wrote all my notes down in this book."

He flings open his Enderchest and tosses Ranboo him a ratty brown book, turning his attention back to the thing he's assembling. Ranboo opens it and frowns. _A Spy's Diary,_ reads the first page. _Written by an anonymous author._

Ranboo isn't sure he should be reading this, but Fundy's not paying attention, and he wants just - just a peek. He flicks to the second page. 

_Day 1._

_I have decided to infiltrate Schlatt's regime. His actions and beliefs are the polar opposite of what I stand for, and I must put a stop to this. Instead of forming a revolution, I will break it down from the inside -_

"Fundy," croaks Ranboo, unable to stay silent anymore. "I think you've given me the wrong book."

"What?" The fox's head snaps up, and his eyes widen when he sees what Ranboo's holding. "Ah, dammit. These fucking books look almost exactly alike… here. This one."

He hands Ranboo a nearly identical book. It's full of various simple equations and charts and tables of materials and levels for spells. It's neat and well written, even if Ranboo doesn't understand it all. "This is good," he says quietly, handing it back. "You've done a lot of research."

Fundy nods, not looking at him. Ranboo thinks. Thinks back to what Tubbo had said the day previous. He has questions, and as the former minute taker of L'manberg, he has a desire to understand what's going on, even if he's tried to suppress that curiosity. _This could help Tubbo,_ he thinks to himself, and hesitates. _Don't be a coward_.

"You were a spy," he says without question. "For… Pogtopia?"

Fundy hesitates. He doesn't respond.

"You can read it," he says after a few minutes. "If you want."

The book is back in his hands again. Ranboo feels strange holding it. There's something so odd about having this piece of history in his hands, even if it is more recent history - the Enderman hybrid only arrived in L'manberg in November, a few days after its second destruction. Tubbo had given him a tour on his second day, energetic and bouncy, with mussed hair and wild eyes even as he tried to regain a front of professionalism. Ranboo, as Fundy had said before, had never seen L'manberg in its prime. He never will. It's scary and strange, to feel the cold of this book through the material of his gloves.

He glances through the pages and skims.

... _Once the flag is complete, I will present it to him, hopefully gaining his trust. HBomb, Eret, and Nihachu are against me. They can't know of my true plans. I will have to live with this._

_...I have been promoted not once, but twice. I may not remember my current position, but my status of getting closer to confidential information is near._

_...However, I am questioning my own stand in this war. Am I on the right side?_

_...Tubbo, out of all people, the spy, the traitor. Schlatt brutally executed him in front of dozens of inhabitants, due to the work of Technoblade himself._

Ranboo knew Tubbo had lost one of his lives to an execution.

He hadn't know who had been the one to go through with it.

"Did you know," says Fundy, voice low. "that Tubbo actually isn't a goat hybrid?"

Ranboo hadn't known. He's always wondered about the small snubs of horns on the smaller boy's head, questioned why he didn't have any other hybrid traits like the other people he knew. "He's not?"

Fundy leans against his Enderchest and kicks his feet into the void of the chasm. "He's an adaptive hybrid. A very rare bloodline that comes from shapeshifters, like Big Q. Tubbo used to be able to take on the characteristics of other Players, to mimic them and blend in. Like a survival thing. Obviously, he's just a kid, and he never used it like that. We used to dick about and pretend to be each other. He even was born with, uh, wings. Proper fuckin' emerald bird wings. But… well. When Schlatt came along and exiled Tommy and Wilbur, he took a shine to Tubbo, decided to teach him all he knew. But, as you know…" He breathes out shakily, a sardonic smile gracing his cheeks. "He was a pretty shitty guy, in the end."

He takes a pause before continuing. "Quackity and Tubbo got the worst of it. Schlatt, uh… did some awful things to them, to me, too, but I was hardly around - he hated me anyway. 'Cause I was Wilbur's kid. But yeah, he… I didn't see Tubbo for a couple weeks and next time I see him, he's gone full goat, full protection mode. Didn't change for _weeks_ , according to Big Q. Then the execution took place, Technoblade blew Tubbo to bits, and when the kid came back, he… wasn't right. In a few ways, but in the physical sense, he… Gods. He wasn't able to shift anymore. Lost his wings, permanently. He was lucky enough to have shaken off most of the goat traits beforehand, but now? Those horns are a constant reminder of what he lost. What Schlatt took from him."

Ranboo's stunned silent.

A dry chuckle leaves Fundy, and he shakes his head. "The man left his marks everywhere. The horns on Tubbo's head? Schlatt. The scars on Quackity's wings? Schlatt. The chunk that was taken out of my own goddamn fucking ear?" He points upwards, to the tear in his left ear that occasionally twitches harder than the other. "Schlatt."

"I'm… sorry," Ranboo says softly. He closes his eyes, something like grief welling up in him. "So sorry."

"Don't be," Fundy mutters, and the rod in his hand finally clicks together. He looks at it blearily and snorts. "Hey, well, speaking of firework accidents, I'm gonna get to work on finishing this new weapon I'm building. Soulfireworks. New, blue, blows red vines into goo." He grins, and looks more like the old Fundy than he had in months. "First test in a week or so. Wanna help out?"

Ranboo shakes his head politely. "I can't now. Things to do, places to be. I'll come back round here soon? Are you always here?"

"Eh, usually," Fundy says nonchalantly, then stands to awkwardly stretch his hand towards Ranboo's. It takes the taller boy a moment to realize he wants them to shake hands. They do so clumsily, both laughing softly afterwards, and Ranboo turns to leave again before Fundy stops him.

"Hang on," the fox boy says. He suddenly looks slightly embarrassed, shifting from paw to paw in the dirt. "Uh, I was gonna say that, like - if you ever need to talk to someone about things, Puffy's opened a therapist office thing. I've been visiting her a lot recently - weird, cause I consider her a friend outside of it, I know - but it's actually helped a lot. She's sweet as hell, she is, and she's really managed to make things a lot easier for me after - after the snap I had during Doomsday and all that stuff. My mental health has been a lot better." He looks slightly flushed after he's done talking, which is more noticeable as his face shifts between fox and human without Fundy noticing. "So… yeah. There you go."

Ranboo can almost hear gears turning in his own head. "Thank you, Fundy. I'm glad you've been better. For real."

A real smile cracks Fundy's face, the kind that makes his dark eyes crinkle and his nose flare with joy. "Me too, man. Me too."

* * *

Fundy gives Ranboo directions to Puffy's therapy office, and he's there within half an hour. He doesn't find her inside - there is a sign on the front desk that says "the doc is out! please leave a note and i'll whisper you as soon as possible :D" - so he prints his name on a piece of paper and leaves it in the white box on her desk. There are three other notes already there. Ranboo doesn't plan to look, but one of them is laying open. _BAZINGA_ , it says in scribbled cursive.

He goes home, greeting Technoblade casually, and waits.

* * *

_**CaptainPuffy** to **Ranboo:** hello hello! i got your note!_

_**CaptainPuffy** to **Ranboo:** you, fundy and connor are the only people taking my services at all seriously so far. this server is a fucking nightmare._

_**Ranboo** to **CaptainPuffy:** oh hey_

_**Ranboo** to **CaptainPuffy:** I'm not actually doing this for me. I was wondering if you'd be willing to speak to somebody else._

_**CaptainPuffy** to **Ranboo:** mhm? who?_

* * *

Tubbo is not in Snowchester the next day.

* * *

Or the next.

* * *

"I went over to that snow biome where he lives," Puffy explains. They're walking past the one nearby forest of trees that miraculously hasn't been chopped down yet, having just been walking around the server aimlessly. "I knocked, and he didn't answer, and then I called out and said "oh, it's Puffy, I just wanted to talk to you," and there was nothing. The door was locked, so I couldn't even get in." She looks at him with concern alight in her bright blue sheep eyes. "Has he really not been home in two days?"

Ranboo shakes his head, guilt and fear bubbling in his stomach. Had he done something wrong? Is Tubbo hurt, and if he is, will it be Ranboo's fault? "Not that I know of. I'm going to see Tommy soon, actually, I just need to message him and ask -"

"Ask me what?" comes a voice from behind, and both hybrids jump in shock. Tommy saunters between them, a netherite axe swung over his shoulder. He's wearing a black cloak that reaches down to his knees, and grins wickedly at the looks on their faces. "Getting wood for the hotel. What are you fuckers up to over here? Talking about me, eh? No surprise, everyone loves me."

Puffy huffs out a breath, clapping a hand over her heart. "Ender al-fucking-mighty, Tommy," she swears, and shakes her head so hard that her red bandana begins to slip down towards her eyes. "Ranboo's the one who wants to talk to you.. And if you ever scare us like that again, I will…"

She trails off, a flicker of annoyance crossing her face. Tommy snickers, lowering his axe and letting it disappear back into his inventory. "Do what?" he challenges. "Go on then, Captain, what will you do?"

"Cry," Puffy declares, lifting her chin. "Really, really loudly, to make you feel bad."

"I have made many people cry in my lifetime and you will not be the last," Tommy says with great certainty. His dark eyes turn to meet Ranboo's, and the hybrid boy ducks his head. "So what's up, Ran-boo, what do you need from me today?"

Ranboo takes a deep breath. "Tubbo," he says, and sees Tommy's face fall. "He's, uh…"

"Gone MIA," Puffy finishes when Ranboo trails off. "You wouldn't happen to know what's up, would you?"

Tommy stiffens at the word "MIA," breath catching in his throat. "He's _what?"_ the boy positively bellows, taking a step forward that makes Ranboo flinch. "What did you fucking do to him, bitch, I swear to all the Gods in the sky that I will have your ugly big head on a fucking _pike_ by the end of the evening if you have done _anything_ to my -"

"Tommy, take a breath," Puffy suddenly commands. Not loud enough to startle the boys, but she's heard, and her stony expression is enough to make Tommy step back with a sneer. Ranboo suddenly understands why she's taken up the role as server therapist. "I went to speak to Tubbo about some things, and he had vanished. Ranboo's told me that you had told him you were going to speak to Tubbo, so there's a chance you were the last one to see him. Was there anything out of place with him at all?"

Tommy hesitates, one hand subconsciously reaching upwards to tug harshly on the ends of his hair. "I - I don't fucking know," he spits, eyes flashing between the two of them. "Is he actually fucking missing? If this is a joke, it isn't funny. Tell me the truth."

"He's been missing for two days," Puffy says calmly. "Have you not visited since that first time?"

Tommy looks properly agitated now, hopping from foot to foot and making strange noises in the back of his throat. "This is bullshit," he says, desperation leaking into his voice. "He was fine when I visited, he was just a bit quiet, but I mean, I was too - man's nearly got murdered three or so weeks ago, things are tough, things are tough! Two whole fucking _days_ \- why did no one tell me? How the _fuck_ did no one tell me?"

"I didn't really - I didn't know he was actually _missing,"_ Ranboo stammers, wringing his hands anxiously next to his chest. "I just thought he'd left Snowchester - I didn't want to make a huge deal out of it, so I didn't ask anyone until today -"

He cries out when Tommy shoves him, hard, and would have tumbled to the floor without Puffy grabbing his arm for support. "That's my _fucking brother!"_ Tommy shouts, holding himself tightly and digging his nails into his cloak. His voice rises in pitch with his hysterics. "That's my _brother_ out there, I need to know he's fucking safe and he's not been taken or hurt or killed because what if Dream's broken out and he's gone for him again or he's already taken him away to break him down or he's fucking _torturing_ him or -"

Ranboo steps out of the way as Puffy swoops forward and gently takes Tommy's wrists in hand, moving them away from his arms. "Your brother will be fine," the woman promises, staring down gently at Tommy's face, screwed up with fury and fear. "I'm not just a therapist. I'm a knight. And I will see to it that Tubbo is found and is safe, alright? I promise you, Tommy, I promise you."

"Adults promise shit all the time," Tommy hisses, shaking, eyes shining as he glares downwards to meet Puffy's eyes. "Adults swear they'll do shit and they don't. Adults say "oh, you'll be safe, he'll be safe, this is safe," and it's all _horseshit_ , it's all - it's all horseshit and I don't give a fuck if you're a goddamn knight for some traitor king. That just makes you worse, you just want - all you want is -"

He chokes, cutting off, and Ranboo watches in complete disbelief as Puffy opens her arms and gently pulls the boy into a hug, pressing one hand to the back of his neck and holding him to her chest. "You're ok, you're ok," she soothes, her eyes glistening with sorrow. "I'm going to do my best. I swear to you."

* * *

They search for hours that day. He isn't found. 

Ranboo returns home completely dejected.

"Ranboo?" someone says, and the boy turns in surprise to see none other than Philza Minecraft standing in the doorway to Techno's base. He's carrying a stack of wood, presumably to go finish the second house he's been working on building next to the original. "Hey, I - got a very angry message from Tommy earlier. Is Tubbo actually missing? The message was hard to decipher."

Ranboo sags, then nods wordlessly. Phil curses under his breath. "Fucking kids," he despairs. "No offence to you, Ranboo. Why's he run off? Do you know?"

"I don't," Ranboo mutters. He goes to wring his hands like he normally does, then frowns upon seeing the grass block in his hand. He doesn't remember picking it up. "He just vanished a couple days ago. Tommy's upset. What did he say to you?"

Phil winces. "A lot of incomprehensible misspellings, a couple death threats if I dared to hurt him, ect."

Ranboo pauses, then sets down his block in the snow, feeling silly. "Why… did he think you'd hurt him?"

The stars are bright tonight. Pinpricks of white light that pierce the inky sky. Phil doesn't take his eyes off them for a moment, something like longing darkening their icy blue. "I've done awful shit, as you probably know," he says, sighing deeply. "Tubbo is just part of that. I don't blame Tommy for not trusting me when it comes to people he considers family."

Ranboo should shut up. He doesn't. "What about you?"

Phil laughs, a genuine, bitter laugh. "I'm just the man who was meant to raise him. Tubbo is more family to him than I am, and that's ok with me. I did things I regret, and things I _should_ regret, and… it fucked up a lot of things. Things I can't take back." He shrugs, and the dead wings under his cape rustle as if in agreement. Ranboo briefly remembers Fundy's comment about Tubbo having had wings once, and winces. "I guess I just hope the kid's ok."

He heads inside, and a minute later, so does Ranboo.

* * *

Fundy is in Snowchester the next day when Ranboo visits.

"Uh… hello?" Ranboo calls awkwardly, making the boy jump a foot into the air. Ranboo steps back, hands up. "Sorry, sorry."

"You scared the shit out of me," Fundy gasps, pointing at Ranboo accusingly. He's in his human form today, with only his catlike ears and bushy tail to indicate his hybrid status. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Ranboo asks, eyebrow raised.

The lack of fur on Fundy's face makes it obvious how bright red he's gone, and it only takes one glance behind him for Ranboo to figure it out. "You're… stealing Charlie Slimecicle's house?"

Charlie - a slime hybrid who Tommy had taken a liking to - is pretty new around the SMP, but doesn't show up often. He had built a house in Snowchester on his first day there and then had vanished for a good while. Fundy has seemingly taken down the sign on the door that had Charlie's name on it and had written his own in bold blue letters. "May-be," Fundy says slowly. "It's, like, a summer home. Like Foolish's."

"This… is a snow biome," Ranboo says slowly. "You're building a summer home in the snow?"

Fundy grimaces and lets out a low whine of _"ehhhh"_ before changing the subject. "For real, though, what are you doing here? Looking for Tubbo? Cause I haven't seen him around anywhere."

Ranboo pauses. "You, uh, don't know? Fundy, Tubbo's been missing for about three days now."

The silence burns.

"Missing, like, how?" Fundy asks cautiously. His face is set, eyes narrowed. "You mean he's left the SMP?"

"He's just gone," Ranboo says. "Upped and left without a word to anyone."

Fundy shakes his head. "I mean, he - he does that. He has a tendency to just leave places sometimes, you know? Even when he lived with me, Tommy and Wilbur, he'd vanish for days on end."

Ranboo takes a mental note of this. "Maybe. But Tommy's, uh, really upset. Puffy's been away looking for him. We've all tried Whispering him, but he's not responding, so… I don't know. I don't know."

Fundy slumps back against the wall of Charlie's house, biting his lip. His face is red with cold and is creased with anxiety. "I was just talking to him," he mutters, almost just to himself. "Three days ago, actually."

Ranboo sits himself awkwardly on a natural stone ledge, a spark of hope in his chest. "Really? What was that about?"

Fundy shrugs, fiddling with the lapels of his thin black jacket. He doesn't look dressed for the cold. "You told me about how you were gonna recommend Puffy's therapy services to him, so I Whispered him later that night to ask if he'd seen her and how it went if he had. He asked what I was on about and I told him I'd told you about it, and you said you'd talk about it to him. Then he left me on read and hasn't opened any of my other messages."

The wind seems to blow colder for a moment.

"You, uh," Fundy starts, suddenly looking rather nervous. "You don't think I scared him off, did I?"

"Uh," Ranboo answers, eloquently. "I don't… I don't know."

Fundy curses under his breath. "I hope he's alright. Crap."

Quiet for a moment. Then - "Also, I'm keeping this house. Slime can suck it. You won't tell him, no?"

Ranboo holds up both hands and shakes his head. "Not writing it down."

Fundy narrows his eyes. "You're already forgetting?"

"Oh, definitely. Not a soul will know within the hour."

"Good to hear."

* * *

Ranboo wakes up the next night to the sound of something crashing outside his door.

His first thought is "Techno or Phil is outside late tonight." His second thought is "Dream's escaped and he's come to hurt me." He doesn't have time for a third thought. There's a loud scraping slam of what sounds like metal against stone and then he's stumbling out of bed, his sheets tangled in his too long limbs, tripping over the ridges of the floor. "Who's there?" he cries, trying to summon the little bit of courage that burns his chest. "Hello? Who's there?"

He pauses at the door when he hears nothing but silence. _A mob, a mob, a mob,_ screams his thoughts. _Skeleton. Iron Miley Cyrus will take care of it._

Then someone yells and he throws the door open so fast it slams into the wall.

There is a person on the ground in the snow. They look tiny, curled up on themself. Ranboo's Iron Golem is stood above them, clunking as it moves to take another swing at the figure below, bellowing loudly. "Hey!" Ranboo's shouting before he can think. "Stop it, Miley, get back! It's ok, it's ok, get back!"

The Golem grunts, swinging its arms jerkily, but thumps backwards away from the Player. Because it _is_ a Player. Ranboo's recognized him, now, and is on his knees in the snow in seconds without even caring about his lack of armour and how the water seeps through his thin clothes and burns his skin. "Tubbo," he groans, taking in the whole scene in front of him. "Holy cow, _Tubbo…"_

Tubbo is wearing his old President's uniform, golden epaulettes on his jacket shoulders and the old L'manberg flag stitched into the pocket. The whole outfit is dirty and torn in several places. The boy's hair is tangled and matted, mud caking one side of it. His face is pale, the burn scars much more prominent. His nose is bleeding. His eyes are closed and he hugs his chest, not moving, silent.

Ranboo doesn't know what to do for a long, terrifying moment, until Tubbo moans softly and he's snapped out of it. He gently slips his arms under the smaller boy and lifts him up slightly, breath hitching as he curls into Ranboo's chest. "Hey," Ranboo whispers, trying to suppress the fear that chokes him. "I'm gonna take you inside, man, is that ok?"

He doesn't know why he asked. He lifts Tubbo fully and takes him inside where it's immediately warmer, placing him down on his bed to inspect the damage. Tubbo doesn't look to be hurt aside from his bleeding nose, which seems to have mostly stopped by now, so Ranboo makes his next goal to get the boy to sit up. "I need to see you're alright," he tells him softly. "What - what happened to you, man?"

Tubbo's eyelids flutter, and Ranboo makes a small noise of dismay at how dim his blue-green eyes have become. "Memory boy?" he mumbles, rolling over slightly and humming deep in his throat. "Shit, hey, hi."

He sits up suddenly and then whines in pain, clutching his head. He shudders and falls against Ranboo completely, breathing unsteady. "I probably shouldn't have come here, 'm sorry. 'M not really sure what's goin' on."

Ranboo lets the boy stay for a moment, then feels something wet under his chin. For a terrifying moment he thinks Tubbo is crying, but then gently pushes the boy away to look and - "Tubbo, Ender, one of your horns is bleeding. I - Holy cow, what happened?"

Tubbo sways dizzily, clinging to Ranboo's shirt for support. Blood trickles down his face from his right horn, which looks to be almost dented at the side. "It's fine," he says, too loudly, and shivers. "It doesn't even hurt, 'm fine, Boo. Just cold. Can I stay here, please? Please don't kick me out. I don't wanna go back out."

He smells, Ranboo notices. A strong stench that he unfortunately recognizes from that day in the mine when Tubbo's flask spilled. His heart sinks. "I'm - uh, not good with medical stuff," he stammers. This is an understatement. Blood makes him feel faint and shaky, and he already tastes bile in his throat. "I'm gonna go inside and get, uh, someone."

 _"No!"_ Tubbo suddenly shouts, grabbing at his head and whimpering as he leans into Ranboo again. "Not Techno, not Techno, _please_ not Techno, no, no -"

"I'll get Phil!" Ranboo hurriedly interrupts. The boy's eyes are alight with a terror that he has never seen in his eyes before, and he wants nothing more than to put it out, to bring back the warm joy he's used to. "I'll get Phil. He knows way more than me. Stay here a sec, I'll go get -"

But Tubbo's already shaking his head. "Please don't leave," he begs, and has just enough awareness in him to go red at how desperate he sounds. "Just - I wan'you to stay, please, Boo, if I'm alone then I don't know what will happen."

Ranboo has never been able to say no to Tubbo.

* * *

_**Ranboo** to **Ph1LzA:** come over to mine asap with medical supplies _

_**Ph1LzA** to **Ranboo:** ??_

_**Ranboo** to **Ph1LzA:** tubbo_

* * *

Phil's there within the minute.

"What's wrong?" is the first thing he says when Ranboo opens his door. He's clearly gotten ready very rapidly; his hat is missing, his cloak is lopsided and his arms are full of potions and boxes. "Is he breathing, is he ok, I brought all the supplies I might need but I don't know if it's enough so if I need to get more I'll -"

Then he sees Tubbo. Curled up with his knees to his chest on Ranboo's bed, small and shaking, shallow breaths wracking his body. Phil immediately softens, shoulders slumping. "Heya, mate," he whispers, padding over to where Tubbo is and crouching in front of him. "What's up? You look a little pale."

Tubbo looks up, and the sharpness of his icy glare makes both Phil and Ranboo recoil. Phil recovers quickly and winces at the state of Tubbo's horn. "I'm gonna have to help you fix that up, alright, son?" he says. "It shouldn't take too long, you'll be alright."

Tubbo sags, and his eyes flutter closed. "Don't call me son."

Something crosses Phil's face that Ranboo can't understand. He's not sure he wants to. "Alright," Phil agrees gently. His eyes are filled with sadness. "Alright. Lean back a moment, let me take a look. Ranboo, uh - if you're not good with blood, you should probably leave."

He nods. Tubbo's eyes widen. "No- _o,"_ he whines, grip tightening on the bedsheets. "No, Boo, stay, stay. Please stay, please? Please stay."

Phil looks up at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised.

Ranboo has never been able to say no to Tubbo.

* * *

Tubbo is ok.

"His horn should heal up alright," Phil tells Ranboo in a hushed tone before he leaves. He looks tired, bags under dim eyes. "I'm not… entirely sure what he did to it, but I can take a guess. Keep an eye on him, ok?" He places a hand on Ranboo's shoulder and flashes a genuine smile. "He trusts you more than anyone else."

Ranboo can't help but swell with pride. "I'll do my best, Mr Minecraft," he says, lifting his chin.

Phil laughs. "You can call me Phil, mate. Just… be good to him. Make sure he, uh... sobers up. Whisper me updates." He glances back into the main room where Tubbo is still sat on Ranboo's bed, staring blankly into space. "I didn't do a good enough job for him. Not for Wilbur or Tommy either. So I… am glad he sees something in you. You're a good kid, Ranboo."

Those words echo in his head as Phil swings the door open and steps back out into the freezing, blustering wind. For a split second he sees the outline of Technoblade, waiting outside his house, before he's gone and Ranboo's left alone.

Well, almost alone.

He sinks down on his bed next to Tubbo, perched right on the end so as not to startle the boy. Tubbo doesn't speak. His horn is wrapped up entirely in bandages, and he sways like a leaf even as he's sitting.

"I'm gonna get you water," Ranboo says. And he does. Tubbo gulps it down, face red with shame. His hands shake around the glass.

"'M sorry," Tubbo mumbles. "for causing trouble. I didn't know where else to go."

Ranboo shakes his head. "You're ok. I'm glad you came here, really. I'm glad to know you're safe. People were worried about you."

Tubbo squints suspiciously. "People?"

"Tommy," Ranboo admits, noticing how Tubbo flinches. "And Puffy, and Fundy, and Foolish and Jack. A lot of people were looking for you. Speaking of - I should message Tommy."

A small hand wraps around his wrist. "Wait," Tubbo says, and their eyes meet before Tubbo looks away, probably remembering Ranboo's dislike for eye contact. "Um. I just - I don't wanna see or speak to anyone right now. Not yet. Can I… please can I stay here for the night? If that's ok? Just so I don't have to be… alone?"

Ranboo has never been able to say no to Tubbo.

"Of course," he says softly. "You can sleep here, and I'll set up another bed in -"

"No." Tubbo's hands are cold against Ranboo's own as he holds them close to his chest. "Stay. Stay here."

Ranboo is still confused. He wants to know where Tubbo's been, why he was drinking again, what happened to his horn, why he's now come back. But then Tubbo hums and melts against Ranboo's chest, golden brown hair tickling the Enderman hybrid's chin, and as usual, he can't say no.

He lays down and lets Tubbo sleep half on top of his chest, unable to sleep himself but for once, not really able to mind.

* * *

Tubbo is already awake when Ranboo stirs. Neither of them have moved. Sunlight streams through the glass windows.

"Sorry for… vanishing the way I did," Tubbo whispers. "I just needed a break."

"You should have told someone," Ranboo whispers back. "We were scared, Tubbo."

Tubbo hums and buries his face in the crook of Ranboo's neck. He refuses to look up.

"Where did you go?" Ranboo asks. "No one could find you."

"Just… away," Tubbo mumbles, and stops there.

"And your horn? Did someone hurt you?"

He thinks he already knows the answer to that. Phil did too. The dent in his horn is shaped in such a way that the only weapon that could have caused it is a knife, like the one Tubbo keeps in his pocket at all times. It doesn't take a genius to guess.

"I wanted them gone," says the smaller boy, in such a way that suggests he doesn't think it a big deal. "It's fine. It'll just heal itself."

Ranboo doesn't want to push Tubbo off him, but he has to sit up, has to look at Tubbo and force him to see the severity of this. "Tubbo, you could have bled out and _died_ if you'd gone any further and no one had been with you. How can you act so casual about it?"

Tubbo sits up with him, facing the taller boy with a blank face. "Because I'm alive. Can I please have some water? My head hurts."

Ranboo sighs. "I have healing pots. I'll get you one of those as well."

"They don't work on me. Just water, please."

He goes to get water.

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** Tubbo's back_

Tubbo looks a mess. He didn't have time to properly wash or change before passing out, and the mud in his hair and tears in his uniform show up so much more in the morning light. The burn scars across his face look so much darker. The sun makes his hair look gold and his eyes look bright aqua, pale hands clutching his glass cup tightly.

"Why are you staring at me?" Tubbo asks, suddenly grinning wickedly. "Something wrong? Is it my intense sexiness?"

Ranboo flushes, huffing and glancing away so Tubbo couldn't see his face. "Your uniform," he responds. It's a partial truth. "You haven't worn it in a while."

Tubbo stares at the gold buttons on his sleeve like he'd forgotten they were there. "Oh," he says simply.

Ranboo brings him new clothes. A plain black shirt and dark trousers. "I don't have a shower," he admits with a shrug. "Sorry. You'll probably have to heat up some water in a basin instead."

Tubbo pulls a face. "You don't have a _shower?"_

Ranboo's saved from responding by a ping from his menu.

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** WHERE THE FUCK IS HE_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** IS HE OK???_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** TELL THE BASTARD TO MEET UP WITH ME OR I'M COMING TO SNOWCHESTER AND MAKING A SCENE_

"Tommy wants to see you," Ranboo says. "He wants to meet up with you somewhere."

Tubbo sighs. "Probably a good idea. Where is he?"

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** where are you?_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** I'm at the hotel waiting for Sam_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** You didn't answer any of my questions _

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** he's mostly ok and he's with me_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** MOSTLY???_

Ranboo turns back to Tubbo. "He's at his hotel. You want to go with me after you've gotten washed and changed?"

Tubbo nods gratefully, gathering the clothes in his hands as he gets up. "Thank you so much, Boo. I appreciate you more than you know."

He gives his hand a squeeze as he leaves the room. Ranboo face warms, and he can't suppress the grin that spreads under his mask.

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** we'll be there soon_

* * *

Tubbo looks better once he's washed and changed. He's practically swimming in Ranboo's clothes but doesn't look like he minds, shooting the taller boy a sparkling grin and twirling round to show off the outfit. "How do I look?" he asks teasingly, dancing around the room as Ranboo tries to tidy up his bed. "I'm wearing all black like an emo. I'm gonna have to start listening to 11 and Ward and sneaking out to do graffiti like Tommy when he was younger."

Ranboo raises an eyebrow. "Tommy had an emo phase?"

Tubbo laughs. The familiar sound makes Ranboo smile. "He did, he did! He'd write poetry and take photos of things he thought were "dark" and shit like that. Don't tell him I told you, he'll kill me - but seriously, he was such a mopey bastard for a while. It was very funny. I wish I had pictures."

His mood seems to have improved drastically. Ranboo is grateful for that. Tubbo does seem a lot more nervous as they slip out the house and crunch across the snow, but relaxes considerably as soon as Techno's house is no longer in view. At some point, he drops his hand to his side and gently nudges Ranboo's, hesitating in their conversation as he entwines their fingers. Ranboo doesn't stop him. Neither of them acknowledge it.

Ranboo's mind is whirring the whole way, but he doesn't ask any of the questions that plague his mind. Why had Tubbo vanished, why had he hurt himself, why had he been wearing his president's uniform and, most peculiar of all, why had he shown up at _Ranboo's_ door and no one else's? Why not Tommy's, or Fundy's, or Jack Manifold's? He had to go past Techno and Phil's house to get to his, and Ranboo knows the boy is afraid of them, even if he refuses to admit it. So why Ranboo's? Why had _he_ been top pick?

He decides to ask as they get closer to the main Greater Dream SMP.

"Oh," Tubbo replies, and shrugs as his cheeks go pink. "You felt safest. I don't really remember."

Ranboo… tries not to think too deeply after that.

"So Tommy's, uh, at the hotel?" Tubbo asks as they draw closer. They've taken the long way round, Tubbo's choice - he probably wants more time to prepare himself, which makes sense. "Is Sam actually there? I don't know if I want to talk to Sam."

"Why not?" Ranboo questions. "He's nice enough."

Tubbo hums. "I suppose. Shit, there's - there's a lot of this stupid red tentacle stuff everywhere. Eugh, it's _so_ fucking gross."

Ranboo glances down at the red vines that he hadn't even noticed he was picking his way over. "Mhm. The Blood Vines, it's called. Haven't you seen it yet?"

"I've stayed mostly in Snowchester," Tubbo grimaces, sticking out his tongue at the stuff on the ground. "I only came round here a couple times to use the spider spawner, and it was nowhere near this bad. Where's it all coming from?"

Ranboo drops Tubbo's hand and skips slightly ahead, looking over the hill to see the crater of stone and bedrock that dips below his point of view. "The L'manberg crater. There seems to be a shitton of it everywhere coming from out there. Fundy's recently been trying to figure out how to get rid of it, actually - hey, speak of the devil. There he is over there."

And Fundy is, indeed, standing at the edge of the crater. He's surrounded by a few boxes and various materials, holding something in his hands. He waves. Ranboo waves back, wondering what he's doing.

"Wait up," Tubbo pants from just a little behind. "I'm a bit slow at the moment. I'm also short. I have weak little legs, Ran _boo,_ you're taking advantage of my weak little legs."

"Get taller," Ranboo laughs. He's focused on Fundy, who's turned back around and is setting something up and aiming it into the crater. Is this the test thing Fundy had told him about last time? What had it been called again? He's forgotten, as usual. Had he written it down?

His menu pings, and he pulls open the white screen.

_**ItsFundy** to **Ranboo:** you are just in time!! cover your ears man cause this red shit is about to go bye bye_

Ranboo's mind slows to a stop and a realization hits him far too late.

Tubbo finally catches up, slamming his hip into Ranboo's side. "You long legged bitch. Hey, I bet I could make some sort of potion that would stop you from gr-"

The first thing that happens is the fire. A long stream of bright blue light streaming just into the sky, then falling, twisting as it does so in complete silence. That, Ranboo can handle. He thinks he should use the pause as a break to get his friend away as fast as he can, but he doesn't. He's stunned, watching.

Then there is _sound_. The sound of a firework is distinct from a normal TNT explosion in the terms of how the boom is _slow_. Painfully slow, for just a moment. The explosion hangs in the air and lights up the whole crater in neon light and the burst is so loud that Ranboo feels his ears pop. One slow bang. And then - then there are the afterexplosions, hundreds of tiny crackling sputters that start off just as loud but quieten as the colours disappear from the sky. The hissing fades into silence again, and Ranboo removes his hands from his ears, not realizing he'd put them there in the first place.

Fundy, after firing the rocket, had raced backwards up the hill to get away from the blast. He whoops once it's over, pumping his fist into the sky. "I fucking did it!" he cries, dancing on the spot as he looks down at his work in wonder. "Ranboo, I've fucking done it, I -"

There's one small sound from beside the taller boy. A muffled whimper, a gasp of pain. Tubbo's eyes are wide and pupils shrunk to dots, two white hands clapped over his mouth, staring, staring, fireworks dazzling his vision. 

Fundy and Ranboo see him at the same time, and Fundy shouts a curse. "Holy shit - Tubbo, I didn't know you were here," he says rapidly, his hands flying upwards in front of him. "I'm so sorry, I would have waited if I'd known -"

Fundy flies back with a sickening crack as a fist slams into his nose and Tubbo takes off back down the hill, stumbling as he runs.

Ranboo takes in the fox boy's bleeding nose and Tubbo's haste to get away and makes a very rapid decision. _"Sorry,"_ he shouts to Fundy, and bolts after the fleeing ex-president, nearly falling several times as he follows. "Tubbo! _Tubbo!"_

He turns a corner and the boy has vanished, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out where he is. With how close to the crater they are, a few old houses still partially stand, and it seems Tubbo has darted into the remains of one of them - Phil's, or what's left of it. Ranboo follows him in. "Tubbo? Hey, man, are you -"

Tubbo's standing at the back of the room with his back pressed against the wall, shaking, holding a sword in one hand out in front of him. His eyes are wide with panic, his face pale, in a fighting stance like it's natural. "Don't, don't, don't," he stammers as soon as he sees the taller boy, his chest rising and falling too fast to be normal. "Don't, _please_ don't, please leave me alone -"

"It's just me, it's just me!" Ranboo reassures, trying not to be too loud, trying to stay calm for his friend's sake. "Just Ranboo. You know? It's me. It's Ranboo. The Enderman hybrid who's been visiting you in Snowchester. You know me. You know me, Tubbo."

Tubbo's trembling so badly that he can't hold the sword anymore, and it vanishes into his inventory as he drops it and claps both hands to his face, knees giving out beneath him, a choked sob escaping from deep within his chest. Ranboo wants nothing more than to dart forward and catch him, but he doesn't want to scare him either, and can only watch as Tubbo sinks to the ground and lets out the most pained keening noise Ranboo's ever heard, a grief filled wail that shakes the boy's whole body as he finally _shatters_.

Tubbo's never looked so small as he does now when he's curled up and crying into his hands.

"Oh, man," Ranboo whispers, and sits just in front of him, mind racing. "Tubbo - hey, you're - uh -" He isn't good at this. "Hey, Tubbo, I'm right here, I'm right here."

"No- _o,"_ Tubbo sobs, and the broken cry makes Ranboo's chest feel tight with sympathy and the need to protect. "No, you're not, leave me alo-one, please, I'm tired, I'm _tired!"_

He's crying and holding himself and tugging on the ends of his hair and clawing at his sleeves and Ranboo just doesn't know what to _do,_ because Tubbo is always so cheery and uncaring and in all the time he's known him, he's _never_ seen the shorter boy cry. Not when Dream mocked him for giving up Mellohi, not when Fundy told him he was the worst president L'manberg had ever had, not when Quackity lost his second Canon life to Technoblade, not when Phil left house arrest and left L'manberg, not when he thought Tommy was _dead_. He's never cried. Barely ever even showed he was upset. He would always blank out, his eyes going flat and face going still and hands holding each other in his lap. The worst it had been was when Ranboo went to Logsteadshire to check on Tubbo and found him passed out at the foot of the huge tower that stretched too far into the sky. _"Tommy's dead,"_ Tubbo had said numbly when he'd stirred, clinging to Ranboo's sleeves. _"He's really, really dead."_

Ranboo doesn't know what to do. So he does all he knows how and gently separates Tubbo's hands from his face and holds them in his own, loosely enough that he can pull away, tightly enough that he's aware of his presence. "Hey, hey," he says awkwardly, trying to smile. "I'm right here."

And he only gets a split second of seeing glistening, ocean green eyes before Tubbo throws himself into his arms and holds him, crumbles against him, face buried in Ranboo's chest and fingers clutching the back of his jacket. "Ranboo, Ranboo, Ranboo, _Ranboo,"_ Tubbo sobs, hiccuping through his hysterics, breaths coming too quickly. He keeps repeating his name. "Ranboo, Ranboo, Ranboo, I'm scared, I want away, I don't want this, please get it all _away."_

"I'll keep you safe," Ranboo promises. Something is choking him, and he closes his eyes against the wave. He breathes, in and out. "There's nothing here to hurt you, no one here who's going to -"

"Fireworks," Tubbo gasps, and his arms tighten around his friend. "They keep going off and one of them is _g-going to hit me -"_

"Nothing's going to hit you. I'm right here. I'll make sure of it."

"He's going to k-kill me again, you're going to kill me and I'll have - have to run again but I'm scared I don't wa-want to I want to stay but I want to r-run and never c-c-come back _there's nothing left for me here -"_

"Breathe, mimic my breaths."

"You're t-trying to t-trick me, you're trying to _tri-ick_ me."

"I would never. Cross my heart."

"Q crossed his heart and he hurt me anyway, he hurt me too w-whether he knew it or not, e-everyone hurts me and everything leaves, I couldn't even k-keep my fucking _b-bees_ , I got them all k-killed too -"

"Not your fault. Not your fault."

"I did everything wrong and it was my f-fucking fault, Tommy, it was my fault, everyone sa-aid so, even _you_ said so, even you t-told me Wilbur should never h-have made me president -"

"It's Ranboo, just Ranboo, not Tommy. No one else. And It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could.

"I was so fucking _stupid -"_

"You did so well, Tubbo, you did so well."

"I got people killed. I nearly got T-Tommy killed. I nearly lost both my brothers in the space of a few months and I know I could have saved Wilbur if I tried harder, if I'd b-b-been a b-better sp-py -"

"You're a kid. Just a kid, Tubbo. You did so well for someone who's been hurt and betrayed over and over, you did so well for someone who was purposely put in a position that everyone knew you couldn't handle. You did better than I would have, that's for sure. And I'm proud of you. I'm _so_ proud of you, Tubbo, I'm so proud of you."

Tubbo can't talk after that because his sobbing picks up tenfold and Ranboo has to talk him through his breathing so he doesn't pass out, not even flinching when Tubbo clings to him and presses himself so closely to him that he can barely move. It takes about twenty minutes for Tubbo's chest to stop heaving and for the shaking to die down and for his breathing to even out and quieten, and then he simply slumps against the boy tiredly and shudders, grip loosening even as Ranboo holds him close.

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** DID YOU GET FUCKING LOST_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** WHERE ARE YOU??_

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** got held up. can you come into L'manberg where the old houses are?_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** I can but WHY?? WHAT HAPPENED???_

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** Tubbo is in a bit of a state but I think he might benefit from you being here. hes not in a good state right now_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** If you have fucking hurt him I will send Sam Nook to tear you limb from oversized LIMB._

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** nonono I havent hurt him hes just upset _

_**Ranboo** to **TommyInnit:** he got triggered by some fireworks _

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** FUCK_

_**TommyInnit** to **Ranboo:** I'll be right there_

* * *

And he is. It only takes him two minutes until there's a creak of the floorboards and Tubbo stiffens in Ranboo's arms from where he still hasn't moved. Both him and Ranboo glance up and meet dark grey eyes and a face set with fury; but as soon as Tommy takes in the whole scene he softens, taking one single step forward. "You alright, Tubzo?" he asks in a voice more gentle than anything Ranboo's ever heard from him. "Hey, man, what's going on?"

Tubbo tears up again, staring down at his knees in embarrassment. Tommy sits down and takes one of Tubbo's hands in his own, briefly glancing at Ranboo in pure concern. The Enderman hybrid shakes his head, not wanting to speak. So they sit there for a moment, silent.

"I'm sorry," Tubbo mumbles.

"No, no," Tommy whispers back. "Don't be, man, don't be. You don't have to be sorry for anything."

The three of them lean against each other in a heap and breathe.

* * *

"Welcome, welcome, bitches and bastards and everyone in between," Tommy announces, spreading his arms out like the showman he is. "to the Big Innit Hotel!"

"Tommy, holy _crap,"_ Tubbo marvels, eyes wide with awe as he cranes his neck back. "This place is fucking amazing!"

Ranboo has to agree. Tommy and Sam's hotel is huge, black and red with floor-to-ceiling windows and balconies on each floor. The construction sign is gone now, so neither worker is wearing hard hats or visibility jackets; Tommy is instead dressed up in a smooth black suit and red tie, and Sam is wearing a dark green blazer and collared shirt. Tommy stands on top of a stack of broken bricks near the edge of the wooden path, dangerously close to falling off. "Damn fuckin' right it's amazing," the boy grins, pleased. "Built this whole fucking place myself -"

Sam clears his throat, and with his goggles on his forehead, they all see him raise his eyebrows. 

Tommy huffs loudly. "Ok, _Sam_ built it, but I gathered all the bloody materials and designed half the place. You know how many hours I spent mining and bartering with Ponk and Foolish for dye? It was terrible, I swear, terrible."

"Terrible having to do work for once?" Ranboo teases, and Tommy flips him off with a scowl while everyone else laughs.

"Come on, arsehole," Tubbo smirks. "Get off those bricks before you fall and die and give us a tour instead."

Tommy turns the finger to him next, but jumps down and leads the others to the door. "I _never_ die," he says loudly. "And if I did, you wouldn't be invited to my funeral."

The brothers continue bickering for a minute, and Sam and Ranboo meet eyes before laughing at the ridiculousness of their friends. "Is anyone else supposed to be showing up?" the Creeper hybrid interrupts. "I thought there'd be more people here."

Tommy pushes Tubbo away from him and glances around at the only three people who have shown up to the opening of his hotel. "Uh," he says uncertainly, his grin slipping slightly. "Well, I - I didn't invite too many other people, anyway. Just some people like, uh, Technoblade, Phil, Dr- Quackity, Niki -"

"Ayup!" comes a call from down the path. The four of them turn in unison to face the gate where three people are standing in wait. Jack Manifold in the front, in a suit of his own, Puffy, wearing a long red jacket, and Fundy, who's trailing behind and looking awkward. Jack throws up a salute. "Afternoon, boys. Apologies for being late, I forgot until Fundy asked if I'd walk up with him. My memory's not great these days." 

Ranboo feels a smile spread across his face under the mask. Sam trots down the path to let the late trio in, and while Tommy races forward to greet Jack with a punch to the arm and a cheery "ayup," and while Sam and Puffy exchange hellos, Fundy stands wait. Tubbo squeezes Ranboo's hand. His face is pale and nervous. Fundy tentatively raises a hand, and both of the boys wave. The world seems slightly quieter. 

"Hey," Fundy says nervously.

"Hey," Tubbo and Ranboo reply in unison.

They pause. Tubbo clears his throat. "I'm sorry about the other day. I was kinda panicking, I didn't even remember I'd hit you until afterwards."

"It's ok, it's ok," Fundy rushes to reassure. He shuffles on his paws nervously. "I should've checked with people before I started launching my rockets, but you had been missing and I didn't know - I only did a little damage to the vines anyway, and I think the egg bastards are after my ass now. Are you, uh, doing alright?"

Tubbo hesitates, and glances up at Ranboo like he'd have the answer. Ranboo smiles under his mask, and it must be visible in his eyes because the smaller boy relaxes and turns back to Fundy. "I think I am, yeah," he says, and then repeats it confidently. "I've been doing better. Hopefully we'll get those egg guys away soon enough. I bet we could kill those motherfuckers easy."

The conversation cuts short when Tommy whistles loudly and claps his hands. "Alright alright, me and Sam are gonna give the tour!" he shouts. "Jack Manifold, you can assist, since you do work here, but remember who's in charge. I suppose this is, uh, everyone who's coming?"

They all look down the path, but there's no one else around. Ranboo sighs, thinking of Technoblade and Philza in their winter home, thinking of the abandoned invitation in their mailbox. Sam steps forward and places a hand on Tommy's shoulder. "Everyone who matters is here. Let's give that tour, yeah?"

Tommy brightens, and Ranboo squeezes Tubbo's hand, and the group of them chatter as they head inside and a weight is lifted from the world as the sun goes down.

**Author's Note:**

> couldn't resist just a little angst at the end there. f in chat for tommy. also, i will most likely be doing a sequel to this where tubbo ACTUALLY goes to therapy, but who knows! subscribe for more bullshit every day
> 
> as always, i'm @bupine on tumblr and instagram, and @bupine_art on twitter!


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